Mysteriouser and mysteriouser

If anyone were to ask me if I trusted Ann, my immediate response would be 'Yes, of course I do'. But there have been some strange events happening during the last few weeks that were either unexplained or when asked about, received a response that didn't quite ring true. Nothing hard and fast you understand; just a feeling in my water. Like the phone ringing and when I answered it, the handset was put down quickly. Not just once, six or seven times. And Ann rushing down in the morning to be the first to see the mail and a couple of times going through into the living room to sort it before I came down.

By the time I got to Wednesday, let's just say my suspicions were aroused ever so slightly. Then, when Ann's usually home by the time I get in, she'd rung to say she'd got a few things to do in town and wouldn't be home till around six. When she eventually got in at about twenty past, she was so happy, she was almost hyper! I didn't say anything, but then I started re-interpreting all the previous 'evidence' that would support what I was beginning to believe might be happening. By the time I went to bed for a night full of anything but sleep, I was sure that she was having an affair. At three in the morning, I was downstairs trying to work out what to do. I eventually decided to become increasingly watchful before what I assumed would be the inevitable confrontation.

And that was all before Friday; one of Ann's days off. Just casual conversation in the kitchen before I went to work, yielded as an almost offhand comment that Ann was going to meet-up with her friend Julie from work after she'd finished, to talk about some arrangements for a girlie night-out. I found it really difficult to concentrate on work that day and spent most of the time working out a cunning plan that couldn't possibly backfire on me.

I phoned home mid-afternoon and as suspected, Ann wasn't there. I left a message on the answerphone to ask her to get me some of my favourite aftershave whilst she was in town. Then I immediately phoned Julie at work and asked her if she was seeing Ann today. Although she sounded a little pre-occupied, she said
"No; I won't be seeing Ann again till she comes in next Tuesday; why?"
"It's OK" I said, "I can't get hold of her and just wondered if you might be seeing her this afternoon so that you could pass on a message. Don't worry, nothing too important. Got to go, thanks Julie; byee."

I've never done this before, but I just had to know if anything was going on. I went straight upstairs and started looking through Ann's pockets and things. I'd only been looking for a couple of minutes when I found what I'd hoped I'd never find. A hotel receipt. I just went into meltdown. I couldn't think; never mind think straight. Why? We'd been getting on together absolutely brilliantly. This couldn't be happening. But it was. Or could there be another explanation? Or am I just fooling myself? How long has this been going on? Who with - do I know him? Or her. It was all just going round and round.

By the time Ann came home, I'd resolved to have it out with her as soon as the time was right. Until then, I was going to keep well out of the way lest in my heightened emotional state I let the cat out of the bag.

Saturday was pure hell even though I went to the match and unusually, went for a drink with my mates afterwards. Not that I'd discuss the matter with them - they'd laugh me out of town for firstly being so stupid and secondly for not taking immediate action to have it out with her. In the little time I spent with Ann, she kept asking me if anything was wrong as if she could sense trouble. By the time I got in, Ann was already in bed and I went into the spare room to avoid waking her - she says I snore when I've been drinking.

Sunday - apparently I'd promised - we were going out for a meal together to talk about Ann's three wish review. And here was I preparing to expose a crime against humanity. Although I didn't propose to furnish hard evidence at the last supper, I did have in my pocket a list of the things that I'd found to support my allegations. Yeh, as you can imagine, Sunday from waking to meal time was the longest day of my life.

Ann wanted to know why I'd chosen an out of village pub to eat in and I glibly answered that I was doing something different as per her wish list, rather than go to our usual haunt. Obviously I didn't want any villagers to witness the last supper. Nothing in life had prepared me for this moment, and I admit that I bottled out twice in the time it took between thinking how I was going to start the conversation and the words actually reaching my mouth. I must have looked like a goldfish. Then, just when the two executive functions had finally synchronised, Ann took the wind out of my sails and scrambled the entire thought-train by idly asking if I'd got anything planned for a week on Friday.

The same night as the hotel booking receipt!

I was gobsmacked. The sheer audacity of the bloody woman. She even wanted me out of the house whilst she was getting ready to get herself shagged bloody stupid! No problem forming the words now, no excessive filtration, no time delay between brain and mouth; straight in there......
"Why do you ask?" I heard myself loading the trap.
"I just wanted you to keep that day free" she said airily.
"Where were you on Friday?" I enquired almost nonchalantly.
"I was just doing some last minute shopping for the weekend: why?"
"I thought you were having some girlie time with Julie?"
"Yes; I heard that you were checking up on me. Julie phoned me a few minutes after you rang her and told me about the strange phone call."
I just couldn't help it....
"What about the hotel receipt dated Friday for an advanced booking on the 31st?"
She suddenly realised she'd been caught out. Her eyes opened wide as she shook her head in confusion. Then the tears came and the mascara ran. And as she suddenly realised that I evidently knew everything, her eyes opened even wider as she understood the enormity of the likely consequences of her actions. But instead of the expected explanations and vows that 'it was only the once' and that 'it was over now' and 'she was drunk and it was all his fault', she went all belligerent and had the temerity to spit out....
"You've been through my things!"
I was still waiting for the 'it didn't mean anything and it's you that I love' stuff when she repeated herself.
"I can't believe it; you've been through my things!"
Blood and sand - I could hardly believe that she was trying to make me, the victim, the guilty party. Time to put an end to this charade.
"Come on, admit it - just tell me who's the lucky fellah that's getting your undivided attention on the 31st.?"
What a bloody actress. Her face showed more emotions in the next five seconds than there is English words to describe. The three that do have words were distress, hurt and pain. But the final one I was totally unprepared for. Anger.
She fumbled around in her bag for a couple of seconds before fishing out a small leaflet and smacking it down on the table in front of me.

I remember seeing a film based on a condemned man about to be shot, having the whole of his life pass before his eyes.

When I was a young teenager and fighting someone who was both bigger and stronger than me, although I was gradually getting the upper hand, he suddenly kicked me in the balls. I couldn't see, think or breathe for what seemed like an eternity.

When I came to after being admitted into the Gynae ward at the hospital where we had our hysterectomy, my mind just couldn't comprehend what I was seeing and hearing.

I suddenly realised that I was now experiencing all three mind blowing events simultaneously.

The little scrap of paper was simply an invite. An invite to a surprise fiftieth birthday celebration. To be held at a well-known hotel in the area. For some ungrateful bastard called Pete.

I don't know if I can do this blog anymore.